Q: I feel helpless in the face of the world’s suffering. I don’t know what to do about the pain I see all around me. It’s driving me crazy. Well, you know, it takes a lot of energy and attention to drive yourself crazy. If you redirect that energy away from “feeling helpless” and bring […]
Archive | Relationship
5 Ways to Transform Fear & Self Doubt Into Peace & Happiness
We human beings have an amazing capacity to form positive mental habits. Every day we have innumerable opportunities to change the channel. We can shift from a fearful state of self doubt to an empowered state of peace and happiness. In my previous article, I talked about two ways we can do this by noticing […]
The Best Way to Start and End Your Day Free of Stress & Anxiety
Do you start and end your day immediately thinking about your “To Do” list or your “To Avoid” list or a mix of both? If so, you may have gotten used to a constant level of stress or anxiety and a speedy thinking mind, jumping form one line of thought to another: “I absolutely have […]
How To Stop Worrying In Relationships
Do you ever find yourself worrying what your partner or spouse might be thinking of you? Is it hard for you to be open and honest because you’re afraid they’ll think you’re stupid, dorky, or worse . . . boring? Maybe you’ve found yourself mentally revising and editing what you wanted to say, so much […]
Everything That Distresses You is Irrelevant! Desire vs. Attachment (Part 1)
Distress, worry . . . irrelevant!? Most people are interested and puzzled by this proposition – some angered! How can I not be worried or distressed about being unemployed, sick, or because of a significant loss? I find in working with clients that the main causes of confusion about the needlessness of distress relate to 4 […]
How to Throw Away Hurt Feelings So They Don’t Come Back
If we feel upset when things go wrong or something unpleasant and unexpected happens, we’re not exactly unique in this world. But if we develop the habit of holding on to these upset feelings, we may resort to drinking too much, using drugs, or overeating (using food like a drug) in a futile effort to try and feel better. We don’t even […]
How to Enjoy Letting Go of Anger and Other Inner Trolls, in 4 Steps
Anger comes from a creeping sense that we are small and in some way lacking. We’re usually unconscious of this sense of smallness, but it makes us cling to what I call “lower self qualities.” If we are to let go of these troublesome qualities, we need to be clear about what they are. Instead […]
How Your Own Questions can Teach You the Art & Skill of Therapeutic Inquiry
More than anyone else, my Buddhist teachers taught me how to relate to questions and questioning. They taught me the art of inquiry which led to what I now call Therapeutic Inquiry. This kind of inquiry is the most important skill I teach to my clients, as well as to students in the Finding True […]
Why Mindfulness in Relationships Helps You Make Better Choices
A couple came to see me once, and they were very grumpy with each other. They’d had a big fight the previous week, and it was so bad that the woman’s husband had actually packed his bags and was ready to go out the door. I said, “Wow! What was the fight about?” The husband […]
How Bad Holiday Memories Can Help You
It’s no secret that our personal associations with the holidays can bring us sorrow as well as joy. Extremes of happiness and sadness may have good cause. In my case, wonderful memories of warm celebrations filled with great food, gifts, and rowdy cousins to play with, are tempered by the memory of my 20th year: after […]