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How To Stop Worrying In Relationships

Do you ever find yourself worrying what your partner or spouse might be thinking of you? Is it hard for you to be open and honest because you’re afraid they’ll think you’re stupid, dorky, or worse . . . boring? Maybe you’ve found yourself mentally revising and editing what you wanted to say, so much […]

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Everything That Distresses You is Irrelevant! Desire vs. Attachment (Part 1)

Distress, worry . . . irrelevant!? Most people are interested and puzzled by this proposition – some angered! How can I not be worried or  distressed about being unemployed, sick, or because of a significant loss? I find in working with clients that the main causes of confusion about the needlessness of distress relate to 4 […]

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How to Throw Away Hurt Feelings So They Don’t Come Back

If we feel upset when things go wrong or something unpleasant and unexpected happens, we’re not exactly unique in this world. But if we develop the habit of holding on to these upset feelings, we may resort to drinking too much, using drugs, or overeating (using food like a drug) in a futile effort to try and feel better. We don’t even […]

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How to Enjoy Letting Go of Anger and Other Inner Trolls, in 4 Steps

Anger comes from a creeping sense that we are small and in some way lacking. We’re usually unconscious of this sense of smallness, but it makes us cling to what I call “lower self qualities.” If we are to let go of these troublesome qualities, we need to be clear about what they are.  Instead […]

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How Your Own Questions can Teach You the Art & Skill of Therapeutic Inquiry

More than anyone else, my Buddhist teachers taught me how to relate to questions and questioning. They taught me the art of inquiry which led to what I now call Therapeutic Inquiry. This kind of inquiry is the most important skill I teach to my clients, as well as to students in the Finding True […]

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Why Mindfulness in Relationships Helps You Make Better Choices

A couple came to see me once, and they were very grumpy with each other. They’d had a big fight the previous week, and it was so bad that the woman’s husband had actually packed his bags and was ready to go out the door. I said, “Wow! What was the fight about?” The husband […]

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My Story of Jack Elias

For a long time I’ve wanted to write my own story of Jack Elias. Because although he’s a master hypnotherapist and a brilliant, boisterous teacher, his greatest accomplishments are hidden. He keeps these personal wins to himself. And I guess this is as it should be. But I often wish, as students and clients come and go from Jack’s […]

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How Bad Holiday Memories Can Help You

It’s no secret that our personal associations with the holidays can bring us sorrow as well as joy. Extremes of happiness and sadness may have good cause. In my case, wonderful memories of warm celebrations filled with great food, gifts, and rowdy cousins to play with, are tempered by the memory of my 20th year: after […]

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Have Fun with Mindfulness at Work!

My most important insights about applying mindfulness to work are grounded in an experience I had as head of the kitchen during a sesshin at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center in 1971. Since it was a week-long sesshin – all day sitting, every day – you might imagine there was a serene atmosphere about the place. Well, […]

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10 Wrong Ideas That Can Ruin Your Mindfulness Practice

It seems like everybody is practicing mindfulness these days. Mindfulness is taking off! It’s showing up in corporate boardrooms, college classrooms, hospice care, and locker rooms. This is a wonderful development because, practiced correctly, mindfulness holds tremendous benefits for us as individuals, for our family and co-workers, and for our communities. There is some confusion, […]

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