When I’m working to help a couple communicate better, it may surprise you to hear that I don’t employ the latest tricks to get men to understand women better, or vice versa. Improving relationship communication is actually much simpler than that — if the hypnotherapist’s approach is transpersonal in nature.
I once received an emergency call to help someone who was suicidal. I agreed to see him right away, and as soon as he arrived he began listing all of the things that were wrong with him (thought and feelings) and that made him want to kill himself. . . .
What would it look like to give love without expecting anything in return? Isn’t that only for saints, or monks . . . or worse, won’t it mean submitting and becoming a doormat? Not at all. Giving unconditional love arises from a sense of your own unconditional OK-ness. It may be necessary to do some work to reacquaint yourself with your basic goodness, of course. But once you have reconnected with your self-worth, you’re able to be generous with your partner and with yourself.
Getting stuck in anxious energy and busyness, but getting nowhere. Does this sound familiar? I call it “running in place,” and it’s a sure sign that I’ve stopped giving myself love and compassion. When you notice yourself doing this, don’t think, “I have to stop this.” Instead, think, “Oh! I’m running-in-place! I must be denying myself love and compassion.”
Then if you like, you can put your hand to your heart as you do in the Hands Over Heart Technique I mentioned in this earlier post. . . .
In the last post, I mentioned making the conscious effort to soften your heart with patience and kindness (and therefore courage). Were you surprised to see “courage” in there?
Did it surprise you to think that softening your heart, consciously becoming more patient and kind through consistent effort, takes courage?
If it did surprise you, please consider that it is an act of courage when you resist the fearful habitual thought patterns that keep you stuck, or anxiously running-in-place inside yourself, unable to move forward.
It is possible to make major shifts — to easily make true and lasting positive change in any area of your life — when you call on the courage to be kind.
I believe that the start of a new year is a great time to shake things up a little.
So . . . here’s a radical three-part notion:
1. When you soften your heart with patience and kindness (and therefore courage), positive thoughts are able to make a greater impact on your mind.
2. When you strengthen your positive thoughts, it automatically becomes much easier to change your perspective and make things work.
3. Therefore, the most powerful thing you can do to create a positive mind-state — the state from which flows all creativity, health and wellbeing, as well as worldly success — is to allow your heart to soften.
How do you soften up? You’re really going to enjoy this . . .
Happy New Year! Amazing to think that a brand new year has already begun. Already our hopes (and fears) are revving up! Is your inbox flooded with messages about keeping your New Year’s Resolutions? I promise this will not be just another ‘how to’ message for you. (If you like, you can skip straight to […]
I want to share some additional perspectives about my previous blog, “What DO Thoughts Think About?” “Thoughts think about other thoughts” is a subtle topic; it’s importance can easily be missed, and working with it can seem boring and pointless in the beginning. In order to experience the power of this insight, the first step […]
Want to make someone pause? Ask them, “What do thoughts think about?” Ask yourself. Try to think about something that is not a thought — if you can, let me know! Why is this important? Well, most significantly it means you cannot think about yourself! You can only think about thoughts about your IDEA of […]
A big part of the transformational process is challenging negative self talk (mean and nasty internal dialogue) again and again to look at and to cut through the roots and causes of self hatred.
I have been struck lately by several clients’ acceptance of negative self talk and judgments – what they describe as self-judgment and self-hatred. Along with this mind state comes the fear of criticism from others, as if it was a fact of nature that they are deserving of just about any negative judgment that comes their way. . . .